Fortunes Weigh Heavy on Drew & Justin's Minds

Playing it up for photographers, would-be comedians Drew Barrymore and Justin Long wore their fortunes on their foreheads as they left a Chinese restaurant on Monday.



Drew's said: You need not worry about your future. Justin's: You will be successful in your career.

Considering the fact she's a Barrymore and he's dating Drew, it's no surprise their fates have already been realized.

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Stoned Cold Fox? Megan Hopes to Legalize Weed

Megan Fox desperately wants to buy some weed -- but only if she can get it legally.

In a seriously blunt conversation with GQ, the 23-year-old swore that if the U.S. Gub'ment legalized the sticky stuff, she'd be the "first person in line to buy a pack of joints."

Fox then added, "I can't tell you how much bulls**t I've been through because I will openly say that I smoke weed."

"People look at it like it's this crazy, hippy, f**ked up thing to do. And it's not. I hope they legalize it."

Fox then grabbed a bongo, some Funyuns and a hacky sack and took off for the nearest drum circle.

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No Jail for DMX ... This Week

It can no longer be said that not a week goes by without DMX being sent to jail.

A judge has decided not to send the oft-troubled rapper to jail after he pled guilty to felony attempted aggravated assault a few weeks back. X was accused of verbally threatening guards at Tent City back in February.

Instead, he got 18 months probation, fees and fines, and credit for time served.

Statistically speaking, X will end up back behind bars sometime in July -- at the latest.

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Kobe Bryant: My Ex Maid Is a Dreamer!

As Kobe Bryant is poised to win an NBA title, his attorneys are gunning for a legal victory that would prevent his former maid from blabbing to the media.

Kobe and his wife are locked in a legal battle with Maria Jimenez -- who just filed papers essentially asking for the green light so she can spill secrets about the Bryants to the media ... despite the fact she signed a confidentiality agreement with them when she was hired.

Jimenez is suing the Bryants, claiming Kobe's wife Vanessa was abusive, even ordering her to dig deep into dog poop.

But Kobe's attorney tells us Jimenez is dreaming if she thinks the confidentiality agreement isn't binding. Attorney Doug Mirell says the agreement is solid as a rock.

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Angelina Jolie's Dad Sues the Guys That Sued Him

It's not enough Jon Voight can't get the time of day from daughter Angelina Joile ... he feels he's been viciously targeted by some movie investors and now he's decided to go after them.

Here's the scoop ... Voight was sued by a couple of investors who claimed he defrauded them in a movie deal gone bad. A judge disagreed and dismissed Voight from the case.

Voight is now suing the investors who sued him, claiming malicious prosecution. In other words, Voight says the investors were motived by sheer malice and had no right to drag him into the legal system over nothing.

Voight is seeking unspecified damages. A visit from Angelina wouldn't hurt either.

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Britney Fires Back at Lutfi's Lawsuit

Britney Spears' conservators -- since she can't file anything herself -- have filed a response to Sam Lutfi's lawsuit against her.

In a four-page document filed last week, Brit's camp shoots down Lutfi's claims one by one. Lutfi's biggest beef is that he claims he is owed some serious cash for being Britney's manager.

But in the docs, Brit's handlers claim the oral contract between them is void because Sam "made false promises" to Britney in order to get her to agree to a deal.

Jamie Spears, Brit's dad, has already filed a response to Sam's claims of assault.

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Pirate of the Pacific: Hot Man's Chest

Orlando Bloom unearthed a buried treasure in Australia this weekend ... his smooth buff torso.


Ahoy, hottie!

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P!nk Is a Dog Lover

Taking time out of her tour, P!nk was snapped canoodling with a four-legged friend in Germany this weekend.



Despite being spotted with man's best friend, the 29-year-old animal rights activist recently reunited with her estranged husband Carey Hart.

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Chris Brown -- Nice Guy

The Chris Brown PR strategy: If you look like a murderer, maybe everyone will forget you're a domestic abuser.

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Britney: This Time with Pants

It was hard to recognize Britney Spears last night in London behind her ingenious disguise: a hat, cowboy boots, and clothing that covers her genitals.

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Dr. Lohan vs. Dr. Drew -- War of the Words

Lindsay Lohan and Dr. Drew -- two of Hollywood's most respected minds on the topic of addiction -- have gotten themselves into a verbal tussle where the only victor is comedy.

Dr. Drew ticked off Lilo by commenting about her various problems, saying he believes that she'll "lose a limb or something" before she'll finally get sober.

In a sign of the times, Lohan tweeted her response, saying, "I thought REAL doctors talk to patients in offices behind closed doors. Am I wrong? Hmmmmmm. I think NOT! Yay!" Hard to argue with that.

Nothing says "I'm a respected doctor" more than being mentored by Lindsay Lohan.

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Brooke Shields Scores Settlement

Brooke Shields has settled her beef with The National Enquirer.

A few weeks back, a freelance reporter working for the tabloid checked Shields' mother out of her nursing home. According to Shields, her mother, who suffers from dementia, was driven around in an attempt to find a "story." It was disgusting then, and it still seems disgusting now.

The mag responded to these allegations of gross abuse by claiming the reporter had been a friend of Shields' mother for ten years and was merely helping her run some errands. Interesting ....

In the end, the Enquirer has agreed to apologize for the actions of its reporter and make a sizable donation to further research on dementia, reports People Magazine.

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Susan Boyle: Out of Hospital, Back to Obscurity

After spending five days in a London hospital for overexposure exhaustion, last month's Internet sensation Susan Boyle was released and quickly hammed it up for photogs.



Don't you have to have an album out before you can use the old 'exhaustion' excuse?

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Christina Ricci -- Bad Breaker-Upper

Just three days after it was announced they broke off their engagement, Christina Ricci went out to the movies Saturday night with her ex-fiancé, Owen Benjamin.



Saying "she doesn't know how to quit him" would be sooooo 2005.

But seriously though, she doesn't know how to quit him.

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Amy Wino is the World's Worst Lifeguard

At least the dog has the right idea: When you see Amy Winehouse, run away as fast as you can.



Wino was the only "adult" hanging on the beach with some young friends in St. Lucia.

Where are the parents?!

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Usher Practices Puppy Dog Eyes on Paps

Usher is giving cameras serious "forgive" me face. He was snapped leaving an L.A. hotel at 1AM Thursday morning. Sources tell us the woman, who seemed to be avoiding the camera, is actually a product manager for the singer.



But with two small kids and a wife at home, Ursh might want to reconsider where he holds future business meetings.

Even puppy dog eyes have their limitations.

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50 Cent's Mansion War -- Game Over

50 Cent finally buried the hatchet in the legal war over his 52-room Connecticut mansion -- and not one person had to get shot.

Moments ago, Fiddy reached settlement with the engineering firm he accused of misleading him about repairs and renovations on the ridiculously huge estate before he bought it from Mike Tyson.

Fiddy claims he never would have bought the crumbling mansion had the firm he hired to inspect it done a proper job. Repairs for the house were estimated by the company at $500,000 -- 50 Cent says he has shelled out millions.

So far, details on the settlement are being kept under wraps.

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Rihanna Gets a Woody ... Woodpecker Weave

Sporting her new wave Walter Lantz Woody Woodpecker conk and futuristic/retro shades, Rihanna landed in Santa Monica the other day.



RiRi moves to her own '80s beat.

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OMG! Janet Jackson Looks Amazing!

Oh wait, that's actually Ciara at her London concert last night.



Miss Ciara, if you're nasty!

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Jacko & Kids: The Striking Resemblance

Hogging a huge umbrella all to himself, former King of Pop Michael Jackson and two of his allegedly biological children

, Paris and Prince, roamed sans masks through an L.A. studio lot yesterday.



They have their father's (old) nose.

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Mel's Pregnant GF: My Manager Screwed Me

Mel Gibson's pregnant girlfriend is suing her former manager for hawking pictures and musical recordings of her without her permission.

Oksana Grigorieva, who's in her second trimester with Mel Gibson's baby, is suing Sammy Oriti claiming he bamboozled her into believing he was an experienced producer.

She claims in 2005, she recorded four demos of original music. The lawsuit alleges Oriti is out making money off of her voice on the Internet and elsewhere.

She also says she had racy lingerie photos taken for the record, and he's making money off them too.

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Gibson Divorce -- A Sticky Wicket

Mel Gibson's divorce is rolling along, but we're told it ain't gonna be as simple as a clean 50/50 split.



First of all, it looks like Mel's reported wealth -- $900,000,000 -- is inflated. The business people are still figuring it out, but a huge portion of his net worth is tied up in real estate. As one source put it, relative to his wealth, there's not a lot of cash involved.

That's not to say Mel and Robyn are living on a budget. They have millions in the bank ... we're told Mel is pulling in about $17 million on his latest movie project.

Now here's where it gets complicated. Some of the real estate is being held in trust for their children. As for the rest of the real estate, it's not a good time to sell, but we're told they will most likely have to liquidate the lion's share of these assets for their property settlement.

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Obama's Burger Run -- Most Important Bill in DC

Change finally did come -- and it was $7.60.



If you feel the need to treat your staff to a lunch-run worthy of the President of the United States, you're gonna need a cool $72.40 -- 'cause that's exactly how much Barack Obama spent during that NBC televised jaunt to Five Guys burger joint.

TMZ locked down the entire order -- down to the toppings -- an order that Obama paid for with cold, hard American cash.

- Cheeseburger with mustard, tomatoes, lettuce, jalapeno (for OBAMA)
- Little cheeseburger with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, ketchup
- Bacon cheeseburger with mustard, relish, onion
- Little hamburger with lettuce and tomato
- Grilled cheese with everything
- Cheeseburger with mushroom, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard
- 2 reg cheeseburgers with lettuce, tomato, mustard, ketchup, pickles
- Cheeseburger with ketchup (for Brian Williams)
- 10 orders of fries

Anyone else hungry?!

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Heidi and Spencer -- Punish Us Again, Please

So maybe they want to redeem themselves, but we're being told by production sources Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have asked to come back to "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here." They quit last night, but today is another day.

We're told so far NBC hasn't bitten. But you know how annoying Speidi can be -- they'll wear the suits down.

Story developing ...

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Michael Jackson's Word -- Worthless?

Michael Jackson's word holds about as much weight as his frame -- at least according to the promoter who plans on suing him over the Jackson family concert.

Michael told us yesterday he was gonna do the concert -- the one with Janet and the Jackson 5 in Texas in 2010 -- but the CEO of the company planning to throw the concert thinks Jacko's word is worth nothing.

Patrick Allocco told us his company will sue M.J. unless the singer signs on the dotted line, promising to sing with his sister and his bros.

Jackson has balked at doing the family concert, favoring his London gig ... which could be in jeopardy.

UPDATE: We just received the following comment from Allocco, "Let me say this as clearly and unequivocally as I possibly can ... I have spoken with Michael Jackson and I believe that he is an honorable man. A man of his word. I look forward to working with him and his entire family on the historic show we have been planning for more than a year."

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Brandy Settles Fatal Car Crash with Victim's Kids

We've learned Brandy has just reached a settlement with the kids whose mother died in the singer's 2006 car crash.

Awatef Aboudihaj's two children will receive a total of $600,000 -- $300,000 each -- according to court documents filed in L.A. County Superior Court moments ago.

Aboudihaj died in 2006 after her car was struck by Brandy's Range Rover near the interchange of the 405 and 101 freeways in Los Angeles.

Her husband, Marouane Hdidou -- who has yet to settle with Brandy -- rejected his part of a $1.2 million settlement offer in February.

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Adam Lambert Gives the Boy a Hand

His sexuality still cloaked in secrecy, Adam Lambert emerged from Guys & Dolls Lounge in West Hollywood last night, hand-in-hand with another man -- if only we could figure out this uncrackable mystery ourselves?!!?!


The "American Idol" wannabeen is reportedly going to address his sexuality in the next issue of Rolling Stone -- we doubt anyone will be surprised.

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Kellan Lutz: Plucked From Obscurity

Robert Pattinson may have the greasy locks all the teen girls crave, but Kellan Lutz has got the smooth muscles.



This "Twilight" star isn't a fan of any type of hair in general.

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It Sucks to Be Daniel Craig

Now everyone can lick Daniel Craig's sculpted torso.



Del Monte has created an ice pop in the form of the 41-year-old James Bond star's delicious ripped body.

He melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

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Susan Boyle Checks into Clinic for Exhaustion

"Britain's Got Talent" sensation Susan Boyle was admitted to a London clinic on Sunday, a day after her shocking second place finish on the show.

She is said to be suffering from exhaustion.

"Nobody has had to put up with the kind of attention Susan has had. Nobody could have predicted it," one of the show's judges, Piers Morgan, told a Brit TV show. "It has been crazy, she has gone from anonymity to being the most downloaded woman in history."

If Cindy Margolis can handle it, Susan Boyle should be able to.

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Jennifer Hudson -- Preggers?

Is Jennifer Hudson, "American Idol's" favorite seventh place finisher, with child?

Hudson had a baby shower this weekend, two papers in Chicago are reporting, citing sources close to the family. The Oscar winner is reportedly seven months pregnant and is engaged to reality TV star/wrestler David Otunga.

No word yet on the sex of the baby.

Calls to Hudson's camp were not immediately returned.

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Barack Obama -- The Price of Love

Want to do "date night" like the Obamas? Just get your hands on an unlimited budget, a private Gulfstream jet, and the United States Secret Service. Dinner and a movie is for suckers.


President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle hopped a jet to New York last night to see a Broadway play and then grabbed some dinner at a chic West Village restaurant.

The only problem, Barack critics say, is that it's the American taxpayers who footed the bill for the private planes that shuttled the Obamas back and forth (Air Force One got the night off). Obama sprung for the theater tix out of his own pocket.

With the economy in the crapper, the Prez can't even enjoy a night on the town without it being a national issue.

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Prince Harry -- Royal Flush

Prince Harry gets his own personal throne.



Sometimes it really sucks to be the second born.

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Natasha Richardson Spreads a Little Wealth

Natasha Richardson left the bulk of her assets to her husband, Liam Neeson, but also set aside money for her half-sister, a costume designer, and an employee in London.

Richardson's will left $200,000 to half-sister Katharine Grimond Hess, $50,000 to Josephine Burke, an employee who lives in London, and $10,000 to a costumer named Kevin Mark Harris, the NY Post reports.

Neeson and Aidan Quinn, are listed as executors.

Richardson died on March 18 from injuries she suffered while skiing in Canada.

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Adam Lambert Mani's Up

American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert in West Hollywood yesterday getting his groom on.



Bring it on, Clay Aiken ...

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Jordin Sparks' Brotherly Love

Some examples of sibling love in Hollywood:



1) Jordin Sparks' brother getting a tattoo to show his love for his sis.
2) That time Angelina Jolie made out with her brother.

These are the only two examples.

P.S. According to King James, 1 Timothy 4:12 does not say, "I am creeped out by my bro's tat."

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